Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
