Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think I won the penis lottery.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
