this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize