Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
