I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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