Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
