it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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