i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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