I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
