What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
