And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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