It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
