when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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