True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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