my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize