I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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