I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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