Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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