she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize