Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
