Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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