cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
