I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
