girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
