I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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