I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Randomize
