pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
