i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
