i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
