I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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