Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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