i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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