i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
