You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
