She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize