all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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