I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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