dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My life is pants optional.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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