Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
