she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
