If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize