Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
