i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
