This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I am mentally ready for anal.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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