is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
why do cheetos always look like penises
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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