Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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