She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
