We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
