Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
