She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
