Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Randomize
