Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
