I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Damn victory sex feels great
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