Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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