do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
