Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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