I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
