I must be too annoying 4 u.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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