He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
