We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i may or may not be watching the land before time
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
