see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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