toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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