someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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