I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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