I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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