I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
